I Wish we could be Honest
by Alexandermylove
Summary: An AUish (but not really) story that takes place during CoHF. Alec and Magnus are clearly not over each other. Will they ever manage to fix their relationship?
1. The Call

**Hey so this is the first fanfic that I've ever posted on this site. This takes place around the same time as the first chapter of CoHF. I read the excerpt and I just had to write about it.**

Alec had had a tough time sleeping ever since...the event. Every time that he laid his head down he tossed and turned for hours until he finally woke up, panting, tears streaming down his face and his mind haunted by bright golden-green cat eyes.

It had been a while since...the event and it still felt like his heart was being slowly ripped out of his chest cavity.

For the first week, he barely even knew where he was. It just felt like he was wandering around walking through fog, ears stuffed with cotton. He couldn't focus, he couldn't speak, everything was nothingness. Alec had never felt so empty in his life as he did then.

After the initial nothingness, the pain rushed in. There were days that he couldn't even get out of bed. All he could do was lie there and cry. His siblings had come in, trying to make him feel better and he hated looking weak in front of them. He was supposed to be the eldest. He was supposed to be protecting them not the other way around.

Everyone already thought that Alec wasn't as good as Jace, or even Izzy, at anything. Every moment that he spent lying in that bed just further proved how right they were.

He had never hated himself more than he did in those moments. He hated that someone that he loved so much had done this to him. And he hated that he couldn't, for the life of him, let go.

Especially today.

Today was Magnus' birthday.

Alec had tried to ignore it. Tried to act like he was moving on, getting over it.

But it was Magnus' birthday.

Every second that passed made him feel guiltier. He couldn't help the fact that he did, in fact still care. When he had learned the date he had instantly committed it to his memory. He didn't want to ever forget it. He had wanted to be there for that day this year, and every year after until the end of his little forever.

But it had not worked out that way.

Even though they weren't together anymore he could still wish Magnus a happy birthday, right?

People who used to be together but no longer were- his next breath came out a bit harder than usual as he acknowledged the event in his mind- could still be friends, right?

But you had to talk to the other person in order to be considered friends. That thought brought on a whole new round of depression.

Alec ended up arguing with himself for a whole hour.

Magnus had remembered his birthday. It might have been one of Alec's best, having a chance to be with someone who cared about him deeply on the day that he legally became an adult in the eyes of the Clave.

But if the warlock picked up, what would he say?

Magnus had always been there for him. Listening to Alec talk for long periods on end and actually listening to it all when other people would have just grown annoyed.

But would Magnus even want to talk to him now?

Magnus- Alec really just wanted to hear the sound of his voice. Even if it was a rejection, at least he would be able to hear the sweet, slightly accented voice that he missed so much.

Finally, with his heart pounding so hard that he could feel it in every inch of his body he went to his contacts and pressed 'call' before he could talk himself out of it.

His heart was so loud in his ears, he could barely hear the dial tone.

It rang and rang. The boy didn't realize just how hard he was concentrating, his whole being consumed by the drumbeat of his heart and the shrill ringing in his ear.

He finally snapped out of his trance when it went to voicemail:

You've officially reached the high warlock of Brooklyn. I'm either extremely busy or just ignoring you. So leave a message, or not, and I might try to get back to you.

There is was. The voice he longed so much for and he had no idea what to do.

Alec hung up before he heard the beep.

**SO I know it's really short but if you guys are interested I might be able to continue from Magnus' perspective. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. The Calls (and texts)

**Hey guys I did end up doing this from Magnus' perceptive. I hope y'all like it! **

Magnus didn't try to do his hair today. He had just woken up, taken a nice long shower and thrown on the first clothes that his eyes landed on: a simple shirt and tweed pants.

No make up, no glitter, nothing especially fabulous at all.

Some of his birthdays in the past had been celebrated with lots of fanfare, drinking, sex, partying all night. This was not one of those years.

He didn't see the point if his heart wasn't in it. His heart had been in a completely different place ever since he had broken up with Alec all those weeks ago. His heart was still with that blue eyed shadowhunter no matter how much he tried to lie to himself.

Magnus had been in many relationships. Honestly, way more than he could count, or even remember really, so he knew what this was like. He knew love, he knew love loss and was completely familiar with both of them.

This break up had been one of the harder ones. Knowing they hadn't had been together for all that long, didn't decrease the pain at all. If anything, it made it worse. All the things that could have been and could have happened piling up until he couldn't think of anything else.

It hurt being away from his-he had to stop and remind himself that Alexander wasn't his anything anymore- sweet, caring, purehearted, blue eyed shadowhunter so much. But there wasn't anything that he could do about it.

He didn't have anything to do since he absolutely refused to schedule clients on this day. Not that he had had many since the day of the event. Usually Magnus overworked himself to distract himself from his pain, even though he knew that you couldn't hold off pain forever. It always managed to haunt him when he was too weak to continue or it snuck up on him when he was trying to sleep.

With this pain though, it refused to go away. It didn't matter if he was awake or asleep it was constantly there, smarting like a knife wound.

Magnus made his way to his living room. Take out containers were strewn around the floor haphazardly and he kicked them out of his way, clearing a path to the couch. It was looking like he wasn't just going to spend his birthday alone, he was going to spend it watching reruns of project runway.

The Chairman appeared from whatever hiding space he had previously been occupying and walked over to the door, settling down in front of it. He was still waiting for Alec. The cat just couldn't seem to get it through his head that the younger boy wasn't coming back. He had loved Alec and just like his owner, he still did.

With a huff, Magnus snapped his fingers, magicking the television on. He was half way through one episode when his phone started to ring.

At first, he considered not checking it and just letting it go to voicemail, he wasn't taking clients today anyway but a nagging feeling in the back of his mind made him lean over and look at the device that was resting on the coffee table in front of him.

The caller id was enough to make his heart skip a beat. He still hadn't had gotten to changing the contact name, or just deleting the number but when Sweetcheeks was displayed across the screen he knew it was the last and only person that he had wanted to hear from on this day of all days.

Alec.

He refused to pick it up. He had to stay strong and move on.

Magnus was the one who had broken up with Alec. He wasn't supposed to want his. He shouldn't have been conflicted. He should have been able to just press 'decline'.

He sat there and watched as the phone continued to ring and then eventually grow silent, instead.

He wasn't able to focus on his show anymore. Alec had called him.

Alec had called him.

Even after he had broken his heart and left him in a subway station, Alec had still called him. And on his birthday too.

Had he had wanted to wish Magnus a happy birthday? Had Alec remembered? Did Alec still care about him?

These questions shouldn't had mattered to him. He had to remind himself that he it didn't matter.

He was able to sit through the phone ringing the second and even the third time. He had to bite down on the worry that wanted to grow inside of him. Why would Alec call him so many times if he didn't have a reason?

He wasn't at Alec's beck and call anymore, though. He didn't care if he and his stupid siblings or friends were in trouble. He didn't.

It was when the texts started coming in that he finally lost his cool. He flung his phone across the room so that it hit the door with a loud crack sound. If he hadn't had used a basic protection spell on the device it would be a pile of glass and plastic right now.

He got up from the couch, "I'm going to go lie down Chairman."

And with that he headed back into his bedroom, thinking about anything but blue eyed boys that make it extremely hard to let go.


	3. No More Calls

**A/N: Hey guys. First things first, I'm so sorry it took me so long to post. It just took me a while to get this chapter written. I ended up writing the last two chapters before I wrote this one (go figure) but now here it is! And it's the longest chapter of the so far! Just a quick disclaimer: I'm obviously not CC so I don't own any of these characters (If I did I'd take much better care of Alec) I did end up using some of the dialogue from the first chapter because I want to keep this as close to the plot as possible. I hope you guys enjoy! **

Alec woke up to the sound of someone calling his name. His eyes burned and his phone was stuck to his cheek. His mind was all foggy. He managed to catch fleeting glimpses of green and past memories of happiness before they slipped through his grasp.

Once he managed to work through the haze of sleepiness he finally remembered.

Today was Magnus' birthday, he had called him more times than he cared to admit to and he must have fallen asleep waiting for his ex to call or text him back. Even though, he still didn't know what he would have said if Magnus had actually picked up the phone.

"Alec, will you snap out of it! Can you stop doing that thing where you completely block out the world and listen to me for once!?" The sound of the annoyed voice was enough to bring him back to the present for a little while.

"I'm sorry, Izzy."

"I don't want you to be sorry."

"Then what do you want?"

He felt his bed shift as she climbed into it. She rested her head on his pillow, so close that Alec had no where else to look. Her eyes were so big and brown, filled with sadness and maybe even a little pity.

Pity for him.

"Alec, you know I love you, we all do and it hurts to see you this way."

He didn't know how to reply so he just closed his eyes and buried his nose into the pillow. Sometimes he imagined that if he inhaled long enough, in just the right spot, he could still catch a lingering whiff of Magnus' unique scent.

His sister continued on, "So please, _please, _get out of this damn bed and rejoin the land of the living."

"I-" He didn't know what to say in response.

_I can't live in a world where Magnus and I aren't together? _

How pathetic was that? That was exactly what he _didn't _want to be perceived as but if he was being honest with himself, he knew that he was. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, could barely even exist without Magnus.

It didn't really make sense. How had he managed to become so codependent in such a short amount of time? But that was the thing about love, right? It wasn't supposed to make sense.

And it also hurt.

Like hell.

"I-" He wanted to say no but that damn look that she was giving him didn't allow room for rejection.

"Fine." Alec finally agreed.

* * *

Surprisingly, it _wasn't _depressing to be around his siblings and their significant others. He was happy for them. Happy that they knew what love was. Happy that they had managed to find it and keep it even after all the challenges that life threw at them.

Even though he hadn't.

So when Jace and Clary hung back to start making out, he joined his sister and Simon in sarcastically clapping for them. He remembers when he used to hate Clary with every fiber of his body but those days were far behind him now. He even kind of liked her. She was able to bring out a side of Jace that was rarely ever seen and even though it had initially filled him with rage and jealousy, he was now able to respect her for it.

As for Izzy and Simon, he still wasn't sure how he felt about that. He would always be filled with the urge to protect his baby sister though he knew Isabelle was perfectly able of taking care of herself .

But, even though seeing them happy took away some of his unhappiness, it didn't stop his impulsive desire to continue to call and text Magnus until he got some semblance of an answer.

The happy couple broke apart and looked up at them. Simon and Izzy waved causing them to head over.

Alec took the time to continue staring at his phone.

Suddenly, Jace threw himself down toward where Alec's legs rested, causing the ravenette to flinch.

"I've heard that if you stare at those things enough, they'll ring." The golden boy said sarcastically.

Alec fought the urge to blush. He knew he was acting ridiculous but couldn't help it.

"He's been texting Magnus," His annoying sister supplied, glancing over disapprovingly.

"I haven't" Alec said automatically. But he had always been horrible at lying but he tried it anyway.

"Yes you have," Jace said craning to look over Alec's shoulder, "And calling. I can see your outgoing calls.

"It's his birthday." Alec flipped the phone shut, "I didn't want him to think that I didn't—to think that I forgot." He felt the urge to defend himself.

"You're pining," said Jace.

Alec shrugged. "Look who's talking. 'Oh, I love her. Oh, she's my sister. Oh why, why, why—'"

The older boy usually tried to stay quiet but once he got started it all just flowed out of him.

Jace threw a handful of dead leaves at Alec, making him splutter.

Alright, maybe he might have gone too far but Jace had to admit, the whole 'insestual' thing had been weird.

Isabelle was laughing. "You know he's right, Jace." At least Isabelle was on his side.

"Give me your phone," Jace said, but Alec didn't move.

"Come on, Alexander." He internally recoiled from the sound of his full name on his brother's lips.

"It's none of your business," Alec said, holding the phone away. "Just forget about it, okay?"

"You don't eat, you don't sleep, you stare at your phone, and I'm supposed to forget about it?" Jace demanded.

And just like that, the good(ish) mood that he had been building up dissipated as he was once again reminded of how pathetic he was.

While he was distracted, Jace leaned over and grabbed the phone out of his parabatai's hand.

Alec tried to protest and reclaim it but Jace held him off with one hand, expertly scrolling through the messages on the phone with the other.

"Magnus, just call me back. I need to know if you're okay—"The blonde shook his head. "Okay, no. Just no." With one quick move he snapped the phone in half. The screen went blank as Jace dropped the pieces to the ground. "There."

Alec looked down at the shattered pieces in disbelief. The only method that he had to communicate with Magnus, besides going to him in person, had just been destroyed, "You BROKE my PHONE."

Jace shrugged. "Guys don't let other guys keep calling other guys. Okay, that came out wrong. Friends don't let friends keep calling their exes and hanging up. Seriously. You have to stop."

Alec felt furious. Couldn't his family just leave him alone? Just let him deal with this? "So you broke my brand-new phone? Thanks a lot."

Jace smiled serenely and lay back on the rock. "You're welcome." Alec fought the urge to punch him.

* * *

He managed to calm down as their conversation shifted from his relationship issues to what was happening with the their mother, the clave, Sebastian, the dark shadowhunters, and much more until their mother texted Izzy telling them to come back to the institute for yet another meeting.

Jace was in the middle of saying bye to Clary, "See you later. I'm going to head back with Alec and Izzy—"

"No, you're not," Isabelle suddenly said unexpectedly. "You broke Alec's phone. Granted, we've all been wanting to do that for weeks—"

"ISABELLE," Alec interrupted, face filling with heat.

"But the fact is," She continued on as if he hadn't said anything, "You're his parabatai, and you're the only one who hasn't been to see Magnus. Go talk to him."

"And tell him what?" Jace said. "You can't talk people into not breaking up with you…" Alec's chest was suddenly filled with pain. "Or maybe you can," he added hastily, "Who can say? I'll give it a try."

"Thanks." Alec clapped Jace on the shoulder. Who knows maybe he would be able to get through to the warlock. "I've heard you can be charming when you want to be."

"I've heard the same," Jace said, breaking into a backward jog.

Alec sighed and started heading in the opposite direction.

**A/N: And that is it for this chapter! To me it's seems like it ends suddenly but I didn't know how else to end it. See you guys next time. Reviews are welcome! **


	4. Through a Friend

**A/N: Hey guys! Once again the dialogue was written by Cassie Clare, I considered not using this chapter (I think it's my least favorite) but I want to stay as close to the plot as possible so I just had to. I hope you like it and I'll see you at the bottom.**

Magnus was woken up by the annoying sound of his doorbell. At first he tried to ignore it but the person must have then leaned on the blasted thing because a long buzz emanated through his room. He groaned and started to get up from the bed.

Who would dare disturb the high warlock on his day off? He threw on a dressing gown and made his way over to the door. In the case that it was a client, he was trying to think of a spell that would cause them a lot of pain.

Their teeth slowly tearing themselves out of their head maybe?

As the person leaned on the buzzer again and again he was considering just removing their hands for a few weeks.

He finally yanked the door open and was surprised to find the golden boy. Just great, another one of Alec's friends here to talk 'some sense into him'.

"What are you doing here?" Magnus demanded.

"My, my," said Jace. "So unwelcoming."

Magnus rolled his eyes, "That's because you're not welcome."

Jace raised an eyebrow. "I thought we were friends."

"No. You're Alec's friend. Alec was my boyfriend, so I had to put up with you. But now he's not my boyfriend, so I don't have to put up with you." Magnus had to make it sound like he wasn't still affected even though the state of his home showed evidence otherwise. He would never let Alec's friends know that he stilled missed him. Speaking of Alec's friends: "Not that any of you seem to realize it. You must be the—what, fourth?—of you lot to bother me." Magnus counted off on his fingers. "Clary. Isabelle. Simon—"

"Simon came by?" The blonde interrupted him.

"You seem surprised." Margins observed.

"I didn't think he was that invested in your relationship with Alec." Those words made Magnus' heart skip a beat but he made sure to keep his face neutral.

"I don't have a relationship with Alec," Magnus said flatly, trying to remind them both of the fact.

Not that Jace was listening to him because he had shouldered past him and was now standing in the middle of his living room and looking around curiously.

It was too late to clean up everything with magic so he would just have to let the blonde have his kicks.

"It smells like heartbreak in here," Jace remarked.

"That's the Chinese food." Magnus quipped back and threw himself onto the sofa, stretching out his long legs. "Go on, get it over with. Say whatever you came here to say."

"I think you should get back together with Alec."

Magnus rolled his eyes up to the ceiling as if he couldn't even be bothered, "And why is that?"

"Because he's miserable," said Jace. "And he's sorry. He's sorry about what he did. He won't do it again."

"Oh, he won't sneak around behind my back with one of my exes planning to shorten my life again? Very noble of him." There is was. That was his excuse. Why he couldn't get back together with the pale angel. At least that was what he kept saying. Maybe one day he would believe it himself.

"Magnus—"

"Besides," he shrugged nonchalantly, "Camille's dead. He can't do it again."

"You know what I mean," said Jace. "He won't lie to you or mislead you or hide things from you or whatever it is you're actually upset about." He threw himself into a wingback leather chair and raised an eyebrow. "So?"

Magnus rolled onto his side. "What do you care if Alec's miserable?" He asked even though he already knew the answer. Magnus just wanted to get the attention off of himself.

"What do I care?" Jace said, so loudly that Chairman Meow sat bolt upright as if he'd been shocked. "Of course I care about Alec; he's my best friend, my parabatai. And he's unhappy. And so are you, by the look of things. Take-out containers everywhere, you haven't done anything to fix up the place, your cat looks dead—"

"He's not dead." He interrupted before the shadowhunters could go on.

He really should have cleaned up before he answered the door. Now the blondy was here, so close to seeing through his facade.

"I care about Alec," Jace said, fixing Magnus with an unwavering gaze. "I care about him more than I care about myself."

"Don't you ever think," Magnus mused, pulling at a bit of peeling fingernail polish. He had found an opening to change the conversation again and he was going to take it, "that the whole parabatai business is rather cruel? You can choose your parabatai, but then you can never un-choose them. Even if they turn on you. Look at Luke and Valentine. And though your parabatai is the closest person in the world to you in some ways, you can't fall in love with them. And if they die, some part of you dies too."

"How do you know so much about parabatai?"

"I know Shadowhunters," said Magnus, patting the sofa beside him so that the Chairman leaped up onto the cushions and nudged at him with his soft head. He stroked his cats fur while talking, "I have for a long time. You are odd creatures. All fragile nobility and humanity on one side, and all the thoughtless fire of angels on the other." His eyes flicked toward Jace. "You especially, Herondale, for you have the fire of angels in your blood."

"You've been friends with Shadowhunters before?"

"Friends," said Magnus. "What does that mean, really?" Since, being honest, Magnus barely knew.

"You'd know," said Jace, "if you had any. Do you? Do you have friends? I mean, besides the people who come to your parties. Most people are afraid of you, or they seem to owe you something or you slept with them once, but friends—I don't see you having a lot of those."

Why did this boy know so much? And how?

"Well, this is novel," Magnus said, trying to brush it off with sarcasm. "None of the rest of your group has tried insulting me."

"Is it working?"

"If you mean do I suddenly feel compelled to get back together with Alec, no. I have developed an odd craving for pizza, but that might be unrelated."

"Alec said you do that," said Jace. "Deflect questions about yourself with jokes."

Magnus narrowed his eyes at the other boy. Maybe he was so good at reading him because of Alec. The raven haired boy had always been so incredibly amazing at observing people , it didn't surprise Magnus that he had caught on to his little habit of changing the subject before things could get too personal.

"And I'm the only one who does that?" He directed the conversation back to Jace.

"Exactly. Take it from someone who knows. You hate talking about yourself, and you'd rather make people angry than be pitied. How old are you, Magnus? The real answer."

Magnus said nothing.

"What were your parents' names? Your father's name?"

Magnus glared at him for a second before saying, "If I wanted to lie on a couch and complain to someone about my parents, I'd hire a psychiatrist."

"Ah," said Jace. "But my services are free."

"I heard that about you." He quipped back causing the golden boy to grin and slide down in his chair, grabbing a pillow and lying his head on it.

"I don't have anywhere to be. I can sit here all day."

"Great," Magnus replied sarcastically, "I'm going to take a nap." He reached out for a crumpled blanket lying on the floor, just as Jace's phone rang. Magnus watched curiously, arrested mid motion, as Jace dug around in his pocket and flipped the phone open.

He heard the muffled sound of the person on the other end talking.

The boy replied, "Yeah. I'm at Magnus's place. I think I might be making some headway. What's up?" Magnus fought the urge to roll his eyes.

Suddenly Jace sat up straight, the pillow tumbling to the floor, asking, "What is it? What's happened?"

Magnus sat up too, the blanket dropping from his hand. He was filled with worry. What exactly had happened to has jace react this way.

Jace closed his eyes, hung up his phone and was made his way over to the door.

Magnus got up too and asked, "What is it?"

The boy slowly turned.

Magnus knew he had lost his composure and asking the question that he wanted to would betray all the work that he had put into acting like he didn't care. But he just had to ask, "Is it Alec? Is he alright?"

"What do you care?" said Jace calling him out, and Magnus flinched.

It's not like the warlock could just blurt out 'Because I'm still in love with your brother!' He could no longer admit to those lingering feelings. He tried so hard to let go but he just...couldn't. Not yet. Not that he was going to tell Jace any of this.

So he just stayed silent, following the golden boy out of the apartment and down the stairs.

Each step bringing him closer to Alec.

**A/N: SO that is that. The next chapter will be written solely by me and Magnus and Alec will ****_finally_**** get to see each other so that will be fun.**

**Also, I had planned for this story to only have 5 chapters but now I don't know. What do you guys say, do you want more? **

**Reviews are welcome!**


	5. In Person

**A/N: hey guys! Here is your next chapter and I'll see you at the bottom. **

When Alec caught sight of his parabatai through the gate he practically ran to him, "Jace did you hear-" He had started by trying to inform his brother of their mission but stopped short when his gaze landed on the person who was coming up behind the blonde.

He would recognize that golden skin, inky black hair and bright green eyes anywhere.

Magnus.

His breath started to falter, coming out in short pants, his vision blackened around the edges. He had been faced with the problem of 'if Magnus actually picked up the phone what would he say?' all day. Well now here he was, right in front of him and Alec still didn't have his answer. All he could do was stare at the man he still loved.

He was less glittery than usual and his hair was pulled back in what looked like a hasty ponytail. Obviously he was still stunningly gorgeous but could it be possible that Magnus was still affected by the event like he was?

Could it be possible that Magnus still loved him even though he had been ignoring him?

The brilliant cat eyes looking back at him were not revealing anything. He had always been good at hiding his emotions, something Alec always wished he could do.

Suddenly, Jace cleared his throat making Alec jump. He had completely forgotten about everything outside of those pools of golden green. His face filled with heat as he turned back to meet a different pair of golden eyes, these ones filled with concern.

Jace opened his mouth and then closed it before opening it again. He was having difficulty coming up with something to say, "Right- so...I'll leave you two alone." Then he disappeared, quickly and quietly in the way that only Jace could.

Now it was only Alec and Magnus.

He was finally alone with the person he had wanted to be with more than anything after so long and he couldn't move, he couldn't blink, he couldn't even breathe.

Alec didn't know how to feel. Was he supposed to be happy or angry? Was he supposed to run into those caramel arms and beg for forgiveness? Was he supposed to blow up and yell? Be angry at Magnus for stealing his heart, making him believe that he actually loved him and then ripping it out of his body, leaving it lying in a subway tunnel?

His face was filled with so much heat as he just stood there staring at his love until he couldn't even see straight anymore. He felt his eyes fill with tears and he must have looked like he was about to pass out because Magnus rushed up to him, grabbing him around his waist before he could fall.

"Alexander-"

Standing so close to Magnus didn't help the situation at all. Alec bit down on his lip so hard that he drew a small amount of blood but he couldn't keep it closed. Alec was quiet around most people but with Magnus, he never seemed to be able to shut up. He was someone that Alec had felt like he could tell anything to and once he started, he just continued to babble until he ran out of air.

That was what happened now.

"M-Magnus-I'm so sorry. Really, really sorry. I know what it looked like and I know that you said I broke your trust but I miss you. So much. I hate that we aren't together and I hate that you're back to ignoring my phone calls and I hate that this is all my fault." By the time he reached the end of his little speech, his breath was coming out hard and fast as if he had just run a race.

"I have the oddest sense of deja-vu with you, once again talking about how I've failed to return your phone calls." He wouldn't exactly look Alec in the eye, instead his gaze settled slightly to the left of the shadowhunter's cheek.

Alec was used to Magnus deflecting things with humour but in this moment, while overwhelmed with emotion, he just couldn't handle it. The younger man's chest was heaving but he didn't seem to be taking in any oxygen, his heart was beating so fast and so hard it was painful and Magnus' hands were burning holes into his sides.

Magnus, finally meeting his eyes again, looked panicked. He raised his hand to Alec's bottom lip and wiped away the small pool of blood that had formed there, "Alexander-"

Alec shivered and closed his eyes, even though he was far from cold, when Magnus used his full name for the second time today. He had always disliked his real name, preferring to be called by his much shorter and simpler nickname but there was something about that way that it rolled off Magnus' tongue.

"I wish we could be honest with each other. I wish that things had turned out differently between us but-" The older man's voice trailed off. Since his thumb was still pressed against Alec's lip, he moved his hand so that he could softly caress the shadowhunter's rosy cheek.

"But-" Magnus tried again and when he did Alec felt his breath against his face.

When did Magnus get so close so that their faces were mere inches apart? Alec didn't dare open his eyes for fear of what he might see if he did. Magnus had just said that he _wished _things could have turned out differently, not that there was still a chance that that could actually happen. The 'but' that he kept faltering on was Magnus trying to figure out how to tell Alec to leave him alone and stop annoying him because they didn't have a chance anymore.

Alec couldn't help the tears that burned his eyelids and streamed down his face onto his gear. He just had to accept that-

Magnus' lips suddenly descended down on his, capturing them in a passionate kiss.

Alec only hesitated for a second, letting out a surprised sound, before he started kissing back. With the last few inches closed between them, one of Magnus' arms holding him firmly around his waist and the other twining into his hair, all the thoughts fogging up his brain dissipated.

All he could focus on was the fire that Magnus ignited inside of him. The all too familiar lips that he had missed so badly were finally pressed against his own again. In their absence, he had forgotten just how amazing Magnus was at this. How he made Alec feel like they were the only two people in the world and nothing else mattered but this moment.

Nothing else mattered but the fact that they were finally so close that he couldn't tell the difference between where his body ended and Magnus' started and he didn't care. He just wanted this moment to last forever.

Alec's hand reached up and settled on the crook of Magnus' elbow and his other was just about to settle on his love's shoulder when the voice of his little sister broke him out of his bliss and brought him back to the cold reality that is life.

"Alec, we have to go-oh." Her voice broke off when she saw what she was interrupting.

The two men broke apart, both breathing hard. Magnus rested his forehead on Alec's, golden green eyes locking with deep blue. Alec didn't know what to make of the look. He was so confused and turned around and had no idea where this left them. His heart hurt at the thought of being away from Magnus again but he didn't really have a choice in the matter as he had a job to do. He was being torn in half, his heart wanting to be nowhere but right here with this man who had broken him and his brain who was rational and knew that he had shadowhunter duties to attend to.

It was ultimately Magnus who made the decision for him, he gently pushed Alec away saying, "Go."

Alec took a shaky step backward, still not breaking eye contact.

Magnus smiled softly, maybe even affectionately? and gestured him forward, "Go, Alexander."

Alec turned around, because that was the only way that he would be able to leave. He fiddled with the weapons attached to his belt in an attempt to distract himself long enough to get away.

He walked through the gate and was met by his siblings. Alec did his best to ignore the looks that they shot in his direction, "Come on." He said while continuing to walk.

He tried to keep his mind clear of everything that wasn't his mission but that didn't stop him from looking back to see whether or not Magnus was still there.

Once.

Maybe twice.

**A/N: Yay another chapter finished! What did you think of their meeting for the first time since _the event?_ Did I do it justice?**

** I was so happy to hear from you guys on my last chapter. Knowing that there are people out there who like reading this story as much as I like writing it is truly amazing so thank you. **

**I had an idea and I want you guys' opinion on it: How would you feel if there was a lemon in one of the future chapters? I haven't written it yet so if you don't want one, no worries but just throwing it out there. **

**See you next time! **


	6. The Original Purpose

Magnus stared at the retreating form of his shadowhunter until the younger boy finally disappeared.

He blinked and shook his head trying to clear it.

Dammit. How many times did he have to remind himself that Alec wasn't his anything anymore?

He knew that he shouldn't have kissed the younger boy again. He knew that it would make it even harder to let go but when Alec had gotten self conscious, started babbling, and looked like he was about to pass out on him Magnus panicked and felt like there was nothing else that he could do in that situation.

Alec had been so close to him. Close enough that he could smell the the scent of the boys skin, count every individual dark eyelash, watch as the brilliant blue eyes turned a murky, cloudy gray and see exactly where his blush started and ended. Magnus had wanted the boy so badly for so long, even though he was the one to break things off, and he just couldn't help himself. He had leaned down and pressed his lips to the perfectly pink ones before him, finally feeling whole.

Magnus couldn't find it in himself to regret it, he couldn't regret anything pertaining to Alec, but he was extremely confused.

What was their next step? Where did they go from here?

He started heading home having no idea how to get himself out of the hole he had just dug for himself.

* * *

When he snapped his fingers, magicking his door open he still didn't know what he was going to do.

The Chairman came, wound himself around Magnus' legs and then continued to stand in the doorway as if he was waiting for someone to arrive shortly after.

Magnus sighed and bent down, scooping up the cat in one hand and closing the door with the other.

"How many times do I have to tell you, darling? Stop waiting for him because he's not coming back anytime soon."

The cat let out a loud meow in reply, refusing to accept the words that Magnus had just uttered.

He started stroking the cats smooth fur in an attempt to comfort it, "I know, I feel the same way."

So, in order to distract himself from the unwanted lingering feelings that he still had for Alec, Magnus threw himself into tedious house work:

Feeding the Chairman, who had gotten a bit skinnier since the event.

Even though it was shudder worthy, he cleaned. Everything that he could get his hands on, he cleaned. The kitchen, bathroom, living room, so on and so forth.

After everything was clean he used his magic to redecorate. Snapping his fingers, Magnus changed all the paint on the walls to brighter, more vibrant colors and replaced every piece of drab, dark furniture to more exciting ones with prints on them.

There, now his home no longer looked or smelled like it belonged to a heartbroken person.

And if he could do that with his house then why not his body?

He went to his closet and picked out his favorite pair of leather pants and a glittery tank top, both super tight and super colorful. Moving over to the vanity, he didn't hold back. He pretty much painted himself a new face: foundation, lipstick, blush, eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara, gel for his hair and of course lots and lots of glitter.

When he finished, Magnus looked like a completely different person. One that could go out and get anyone that he wanted.

Too bad he had no desire to.

There was only one person that he wanted right now and it was his fault that they were no longer together.

All dressed up with no where to go, he went and settled on his couch feeling a bit dejected.

He snapped his fingers conjuring up a random book.

If someone had told Magnus Bane that this would be how he was spending his birthday, moping over a teenage boy, a teenage shadowhunter to be more precise, a year ago, he would have laughed in their face. Now, he was having a hard time finding anything even slightly humorous about this.

* * *

There was a buzzing sound. It wasn't the sound of his doorbell, which would have went off if someone was standing outside his door, but instead the sound of someone outside wanting to be let into the building.

He sighed and made his way over to the wall, leaning his head on it while he pressed the speaker button, "Who is it now?" He sounded rather put out to his ears. Why couldn't he just be left alone today?

"Umm...it's me, Magnus."

Magnus' eyes flew open. It seemed impossible. It should have been impossible but it wasn't.

He opened the outside door and his own with a snap of his fingers then leaned on the frame, waiting.

His heart beat in time with every footstep that he heard.

Finally, the person appeared in front of him.

Alec.

There was a long jagged cut that trailed down the Nephilim's face, starting at his temple and ending right before it reached his neck. Magnus' heart skipped a beat when he saw that it was still bleeding but besides from that the younger boy looked fine. A bit nervous, eyes bright, rips in his gear and his hair a wild mess as usual but fine.

"Alexander-Alec," He had been warring with himself all day as to what to call him. The boy hated his full name but there had always been a certain intimacy about the fact that no one else called him by it. An intimacy that Magnus should no longer want to keep. Thus the reason why both names had managed to slip out, one out of habit and the other a correction.

"What are you doing here?" Magnus asked.

He had to fight the urge to reach out and heal the boys cut. The shadowhunters had runes for this. He would have a scar on his pale cheek but the younger boy could take care of himself.

Magnus clenched his hands and held them behind his back just in case.

"I-I-Happy Birthday, Magnus." The boy managed to stammer out.

Magnus just stood there looking at him. He was sure his face conveyed his bemusement.

"It's what I've been trying to say to you all day," Alec continued, "All those calls and texts, we even met in person and I still didn't say it to you. While my siblings and I were on our hunt I kept getting distracted because I didn't want you to think that I had forgotten because I didn't."

He wanted nothing more than to envelope the boy with his own body and cover his face with kisses of gratitude. He was legitimately a kind and sweet person, easily the best that Magnus had met in years. But they were no longer a couple. He couldn't perform the action that was playing out in his head.

"Thank you," He replied sincerely. Even if he couldn't exactly show just how thankful he was, he allowed himself to smile down at the boy. "That's really sweet of you, love." The endearment is out of Magnus' mouth before he can stop himself.

Alec looked stricken for a minute, and Magnus can't even begin to guess what is happening inside the boys head.

After a moment of staring at each other Alec recovers and clears his throat awkwardly, "Right-so...I'll leave now. I'm sure I'm the last person you want to be standing here talking to. You obviously have somewhere else to be." He gestures Magnus up and down.

He might have actually let the boy leave if it was anyone but Alec. If he was anyone else, the words would have came out sarcastic and bitter but with the ravenette they were nothing but sincere. He believed that everyone was better than him and that he was always going to be the second choice. He accepted it, didn't ever question it and felt like that was the way things were always going to be.

Whether or not they were together, it still broke Magnus' heart.

He couldn't let the boy leave, thinking that he was right in thinking that he was bothering Magnus by just existing in the same place as him.

Before he could stop himself, his fingers were wrapped around Alec's pale wrist.

"Wait, Alec. First of all, there's no where else that I need to be than right here," The pale angel smiled slightly at him, disrupting the line of blood that was streaming down his face. How had Magnus managed to block out the gigantic cut for so long?

"And second of all," Magnus continued, "please come inside before you bleed out in my doorway." He tightened his grip around the Nephilim's wrist and practically dragged him inside, closing the door behind them with a wave of his free hand.

Still not letting go of the wrist Magnus used his other hand to press against the long cut. Blue sparks appeared as he started to chant under his breath.

"I'm fine. It's just a scratch." Alec tried to protest.

Magnus rolled his eyes and continued his chanting.

Shadowhunters treated injuries very lightly, writing off cuts and sometimes even sprains as 'scratches' or 'nothing an iratze can't fix'.

The skin started to knit itself back together before his eyes and in a few seconds the cut was completely healed.

When Magnus was finished he didn't immediately take his hands off Alec. They continued to stand there, both covered in the Nephilim's blood and neither minding very much. With their eyes locked, it seemed like anything was possible.

"Thanks." Alec finally said. He seemed to be saying thanks for more than just the healing. Perhaps what went unsaid was 'thanks for still caring about me.'

"You're welcome." Magnus replied, a slight smile curving on his lips.

Neither stated what was in both of their hearts but at that moment it didn't matter because at least they were together now.

**A/N: Look! I ended it on a happy(ish) note. I hope you guys liked the chapter and as always, reviews are welcome! **


	7. The Failed Civility

**A/N: Hey guys! Yeah I know I disappeared for a while. I read CoHF and I knew I would have a really hard time trying to get this story to go along with the canon plot line so I changed this story to complete and I decided that I wouldn't continue with it. A few days after, I was working on what I thought would be a oneshot but ended up being what would become chapter 8 of this story. It will no longer follow the exact plot line of CoHF but I hope you guys still like it. **

**I don't exactly know what happened with this chapter. It's been a while and it's also 1:30 in the morning where I am so Alec and Magnus might have came out a little ooc. **

**And with this long author's note, I give you chapter 7:**

* * *

Magnus was the one to break away and Alec beat down the feeling of loss that tried to spread through his chest.

For a second there, it had seemed like Magnus still cared about him. Actually for more than a second. Ever since he had seen Magnus earlier today, there had been gestures, words, and facial expressions that pointed toward him still caring for Alec.

The younger boy didn't want to get his hopes up though. Magnus was- Magnus. He was always unpredictable and extremely good at acting. He could treat someone that he hated as if they were the best of friends or give someone that he was in love with the cold shoulder.

Like he had been doing with Alec until he suddenly showed up at the institute, kissed him and then left again.

Alec had no clue what to make of him. In the past he had been able to more or less know what was going through his head, read his emotions, notice the way his eyebrow quirked up when he felt one way or the way his lips slightly curved downward on the right side when he felt another. But right now...Magnus was still the same, yet completely different.

He was decked out in full makeup, tight clothing and lots of glitter. He looked indifferent and unaffected in every way that Alec himself wasn't.

"Do you want something to drink?" Magnus asked, breaking the silence, not awkwardly because nothing about Magnus was awkward.

Alec, on the other hand was having a hard time keeping himself composed, struggling to beat back a blush and a stutter, all while trying to mimic some of Magnus' effortless conversation skills, "Um-Magnus, it's fine, really, if you have somewhere else to be. I don't want to keep you or anything."

Magnus brushed him off with a wave of his hand and walked toward the kitchen.

"I am quite literally all dressed up with no where to go. I wasn't trying to be charming when I said that I had no where to be but here, I meant it literally." Magnus said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You can sit if you want, I don't mind."

Alec settled on the edge of a long cheetah print couch. Magnus had given him permission to sit but he had never fully felt comfortable around the high warlock's loft. It wasn't that Magnus ever made him feel unwelcome, Alec just didn't want to come across as being too intrusive or like he was taking advantage.

Magnus returned to the room with two steaming mugs of what smelled like coffee.

He placed one in front of Alec and plopped down on the couch cushion next to where the boy was perched.

Magnus didn't say anything as he raised the cup to his perfect thin lips and drank, his golden green eyes staring at Alec over the rim.

Alec leaned down and picked up his own mug. At first he just held it in his hands, trying to absorb the warmth, but he eventually raised his mug too, bringing it to his own lips.

It was his favorite: black with sugar.

Alec knew it had not had been a long time, even though it felt differently in his heart, since they had last been together as a couple but he still felt a flutter in his chest at the fact that Magnus had remembered the exact way he took his coffee.

Magnus' coffee preference was one of the few things that Alec had gotten out of Magnus himself. The warlock's cup was more cream and sugar with a dash of coffee, rather than the other way around, when he was done making it.

Alec remembered how one time, Magnus had made him try it and how it had overwhelmed his taste buds. He had been so surprised that he practically started choking and Magnus had laughed at him, rubbing his back until he finally managed to control himself.

He smiled suddenly at the memory and tried to hide it in the mug.

Looking back up at Magnus he saw that he wasn't very successful. The warlock was looking at him with a look of slight perplexion but continued to not say anything.

Alec found it extremely unnerving to have Magnus just sitting there staring at him. He didn't know what the older man wanted from him. There was so much that needed to be said that just...wasn't. Alec had poured his heart out time and time again, when they were together and even after the breakup and he still hadn't had gotten anything back from the other man.

In fact, looking back, Alec realized that besides the expressions that had slipped past Magnus' perfectly constructed mask, the warlock had barely said anything today. Alec had let himself get overwhelmed by his emotions, again, and it slipped past him.

It had slipped past him time and time again.

Yes, he knew what he had done with Camille was wrong and that it wasn't the best way to go about things, but at the time it had seemed like the only thing he could do. The fact that he had basically laid his whole self bare at the warlock's feet and had gotten nothing in return surely was disheartening. Even though everyone believed that Alec had went to her over and over again to figure out a way to take away Magnus' immortality, the real reason was that she had given him answers that Magnus was not willing to.

Before, Alec had sat down he had thought that it was Magnus who had changed but maybe it was really himself. Maybe he was finally just starting to realize how _little_ he knew about the man he loved.

He couldn't take the silence anymore, he put his mug on the table and asked, "What are we doing Magnus?"

The man in question also placed his mug on the table. With only a couch cushion between them, and not enough coffee in the world to distract them, they suddenly felt way too close and yet not close enough. There was a level of intimacy and intensity between them that couldn't be helped.

"I don't-exactly know. But what I do know is that even though we aren't together anymore, it doesn't mean we can't act civilly around each other. Right?"

"Civil? Yeah. You'd know all about that wouldn't you?" He snapped sarcastically.

He had tried to keep his composure but he just couldn't. Magnus wanted them to be civil? Alec had tried acting civil. It was Magnus who wouldn't even pick up his phone to send Alec a simple text saying he had received all of the messages.

He knew his voice came out harsher than he intended when he saw Magnus flinch slightly. He knew that his anger had flared up seemingly out of nowhere but once it appeared, it was very hard to get control of it again.

All the feelings that he had suppressed, all the frustration that he had hidden and covered with guilt and self hate because it was _his fault_, came rushing in and built up until he felt like he was going to explode.

"Alexander-" Magnus started but Alec was quick to cut him off.

"Don't. Don't '_Alexander_' me. Don't try to act as if I haven't been trying to reach out to you and be civil. I know that I messed up, I know that I should have went about things differently but _goddammit,_ stop trying to act as if I am the only one at fault here." His eyes burned with unshed angry tears.

He hated this. He hated that he was here yelling at the man that he loved. He hated that Magnus would barely tell him anything about himself. He hated the fact that they were no longer together. He was angry and hurt and sad and confused and he had no idea what to do with himself.

Magnus got up from his spot on the couch and moved so that he was hovering over Alec. He leaned in so that there was only a few inches between their faces and placed one of his hands on Alec's cheeks. The boy had no where to look but into the too bright cat eyes.

"You think that I don't know I'm also at fault here?" Magnus started, "That I don't know I practically drove you Camille? Alec, I do. I don't think you understand how much I do. I've been ignoring you because I just can't do this anymore. We can't do this anymore. It wasn't working and it never can. I'll always be immortal and I don't know of a way to make you the same so in order to save ourselves some pain-"

"Stop. Please stop." Alec turned his face away, closing his eyes. "You've already broken up with me once. I don't think you need to do it again."

Alec felt Magnus' forehead against his temple and long fingered hands on both of his sides. For once he didn't want the older man's touch.

Alec didn't know what was better: staying at home sulking, his only happiness being his unrealistic daydreams or actually being in Magnus' presence and having to deal with being broken up with for a second time.

He shouldn't have come.

"Alec-" Magnus breathes against his skin.

"Please-" Alec's voice comes out even smaller than Magnus'.

"You got your chance to speak, now let me. I was warring with myself over whether or not I should do this, but after today I...I want to."

Alec wanted to question him but held his tongue.

There was the sound of Magnus snapping his fingers and then Magnus was taking his hand and placing something in it. When Alec closed his fist around it, it felt like paper.

"I need you to do something for me. Firstly, I need you to go home and read that. Secondly, I need to know your reaction. Text it to me, call me, come back if you have to but I need to know."

"Why?" Alec asked, gripping the paper even tighter in his fist.

"You'll understand once you read it." Magnus replied before breaking all skin contact with the younger boy.

Alec turned his head back to look at the high warlock. His eyes were shining with another emotion that Alec couldn't read.

"You should go." Magnus instructed before he could say anything.

The boy got up from the couch and walked to the door, Magnus trailing behind him. With one last look, he was out of the loft and heading down the staircase.

When he was downstairs, instead of going through the door and taking the trek back to Manhattan, he decided to sit on the bottom step. After awkwardly stretching out his long legs in front of him, Alec finally looked down at the item that was currently clenched in his fist. He relaxed his slightly shaking hand to reveal some sheets of folded notebook paper (that might or might not have become crumpled because of him).

He glanced down at them in perplexity. What could possibly be so important about them?

He unfolded the packet and was greeted with the familiar, thin, and loopy handwriting that belonged to Magnus. Now Alec was really confused.

He read the first line and stopped dead in his tracks. It read:

_Dear Alec,_

* * *

**A/N: So how was it? **

**When I originally planned this chapter it was just supposed to be awkward but it turned into...this. If there are any mistakes blame it on my crappy editing skills after the clock strikes 12. **

**As always reviews are welcome! **


	8. The Letter

**A/N: Hey guys! So I was trying to get this chapter done so that I could post it in the early hours of the morning again but that clearly ended up not working. I'm a bit conflicted about this chapter, there are definitely some parts that I like more than others but what can you do? There are some parts in here that I took from CoHF so just know that I am definitely not Cassie Clare and I don't own the Mortal Instruments. **

**This chapter is also told from Alec's pov because that was the only way I could get this to work. **

* * *

_Dear Alec, _

_It's been a while since the last time I've seen you. I thought that I would be able to move on by now but the truth is, it actually hurts more. I miss you so much. I miss your beautiful blue eyes and raven black hair, I miss the feel of your skin, I miss the sound of your voice. I grow more miserable with everyday that passes me by but I'm not strong enough to admit to you just how much I want you, how much I need you. At least not in person. _

_You call and text me everyday and I never respond, not because I'm still angry but because I am afraid. Afraid that if I do pick up that phone, there will be nothing to stop me from telling you the real reason behind why I broke up with you. Yes, I was upset by you going to Camille but I got over it fairly quickly. The real reason why I broke up with you is because I love you. I love you with every fiber of my body, with every beat of my heart, in both the light and dark recesses of my soul, I love you. And it was this love that made it impossible to bear even the thought of you being torn away from me. _

_You are a Shadowhunter and it is no secret that most of you die young, brutally cut down before your prime. You could be taken away from me at any moment. And even if the blood of the Nephilim didn't run through your veins and you were just an ordinary human, our time would still be limited. I would still have to deal with you growing old and dying while I remained untouched by time and broken without my other half. I have a warlock friend who was married to a mortal man. The way that they were together- he looked at her as if she had strung the stars up in the sky one by one. It took just one glance in their direction to know that they were in love. But of course like all mortals, he died. They had been married for decades, they had kids and even grand kids but he still died just the same. I saw how it broke her. She came to me, asking how I did it, how I managed to not feel the pain but the hard truth is that immortality doesn't make you indifferent to death. Each one hurts just as much as the last but since we are immortal we are forced to look the unbearable in the face and bear it. But, for some reason, I couldn't bear this. I told you one day how I had thought about the idea of losing you and how I would never be okay with it and that still proves to be true. _

_As we grow older warlocks start to calcify. We stop being able to feel even the most basic emotions that make living worthwhile. I had thought that would never happen to me. That I would always fall in love, be surprised, be open to hurt as much as I was open to being happy. But it's been creeping up on me for the last twenty years or so and I didn't even realize until you came along. Before you, there has been no one that I loved for a very long time. Until the day you walked into my party, I had begun to think that I would never be able to feel the way you make me feel everyday. That no one would ever be able to surprise me or take my breath away. You showed me the path that I would end up on if I continued the way that I was and you showed me that I don't want that. You showed me that even if this does end badly there is no one that I would rather have my heart broken by than you. Which is why I am doing this right now. Why I am doing something that I have never done before in all the years I have been alive: I am telling you the story of my life. _

_You were right when you said our pasts are what make us who we are now. If you never tell anyone the truth about yourself, eventually you start to forget. The love, the heartbreak, the joy, the despair, the things I did that were good and the things I did that were shameful-if I kept all of them inside, my memories of them would start to disappear. And then I would disappear. _

_This isn't everything yet but it is some of the incidents that have shaped me into the person I am today. Consider this the first installment of everything I want to tell you. I had hoped while writing them down that you would take them as evidence that I want to share my life with you. That means today, the future, and all of my past, if you want it. _

_If you want me. _

By the time Alec reached the end of the letter he could barely see beyond the blurriness of his unshed tears. Magnus wanted him? Magnus needed him? Magnus still wanted to be together? He had finally worked past his fears and was going to tell Alec about his past?

Mere minutes ago it had looked like Magnus was preparing to break Alec's heart again but now he was fulfilling the young Shadowhunter's every daydream and every wish.

He folded the papers back up, placed them into his pocket and stood up. He looked up at the staircase. Magnus was somewhere up there, waiting for his reaction. And with that thought he started up the stairs, ready to tell the warlock exactly what was in his mind.

* * *

When the door swung open, Magnus looked surprised at seeing him again so soon.

"Alec-" He started but let trail off, not knowing what to say.

Alec suddenly didn't feel so confident anymore-if you could say he was confident in the first place. He didn't know what to do. Didn't know what to say. With Magnus standing in front of him, very much real, the words that were buzzing around in his head left him. He was left speechless. It had been so easy for the words to spill out of him before Magnus had bared his soul but now...he had nothing.

Instead of his previous happiness and feelings of relief it almost felt like he were perched on the edge of a cliff and what happened next would determine whether they would stand or fall together. Alec was now terrified. Standing in front of him was everything that he wanted but it almost felt too good to be true. Here was Magnus, looking more open and vulnerable than Alec had ever seen him before, professing his love for him and promising to finally tell him about his past. But a little voice in the back of his head wouldn't let him forget that there was a part of Magnus that was capable of ripping out his heart and breaking it into a million pieces without even looking back.

He could walk away from this, meet someone else, live a safe and predictable life, everyday planned out with no variation for however many years he had left. Or he could go down this wild and crazy path where everyday was a different adventure and there were no real guarantees...it was hardly a choice at all.

He took the plunge, moving forward until he was toe to toe and chest to chest and nose to nose with Magnus. Their lips touched and he suddenly felt whole again. All the little pieces that were broken and swept away with the wind after the event coming back together and turning his world right side up again.

"All right." Alec said when they finally broke away.

Magnus caught his chin with a long fingered hand and looked into Alec's eyes, barely guarded hope shining in his own golden-green ones.

"Really?"

There was no turning back now and Alec was completely fine with that. He nodded his head and said, "Really."

Magnus leaned forward again, smashing their lips together in a passionate kiss that Alec never wanted to end. After being away from this man for so long, he wanted to spend his whole life making up for lost time. They kissed again and again and again until it felt like he was going to collapse into a puddle at the warlock's feet.

They were gasping and panting and so close yet not close enough and before he even knew what was happening, he was being pinned against canary yellow sheets and neither of them were wearing a shirt and he couldn't think about anything but Magnus. Everything was Magnus.

"Alexander-" Magnus breathed out, his breath hot against the skin of the boys neck, "Tell me if you want me to stop."

Alec wrapped his arms tighter around the warlock's back, bringing him even closer, "I never want you to stop."

* * *

A few hours later, they were lying under the covers, skin completely bare, and wrapped up in each others embrace. Alec couldn't tell where he ended from where Magnus began and he didn't mind. Nothing could bother him as he lay there with Magnus' head in the crook of his neck, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into his skin and lulling him to sleep.

The thing that startled him out of his stupor was the sound of a cat meowing. He looked down over the side of the bed and found the Chairman looking up at him, almost expectantly.

Alec reached down and picked up the small cat, bringing him up into the bed with them. The small creature immediately started to purr and curled up onto the boys' chest. Alec couldn't help but think about how different this cat was from Church, who liked to claw and hiss more than snuggle.

"The Chairman missed you." Magnus informed him, murmuring against his skin.

"I missed him too." He smiled down fondly at the cat before turning his gaze back to Magnus, "I missed both of you."

Magnus smiled sleepily, white teeth gleaming in the dark room, before leaning over and pressing his lips to Alec's.

* * *

**A/N: Awww Malec is canon again. This was originally supposed to be a lemon but I figured it would ruin the moment so it got brushed over. And I realized that I completely forgot about the Chairman in the last chapter so I ****snuck him in at the end. **

******I hope you guys liked this and as always feel free to follow, favorite and review! ;)**


	9. The Fire Messages

**A/N: Hey guys! So it's been a rough few days. As some of you might have seen, I tried to start a new songfic but fanfiction sent me a message bitching about how songfics aren't allowed on the site and how I should remove all the lyrics from my chapter before I get reported for abuse/ copyright infringement so I took it down. I'm obviously sad because I had really big plans for ****A Little Death**** but I decided that I will just continue to write it on Tumblr under the url of Alexandermylovewritesfanfic so I hope that any of you that are interested continue to read it! **

**Anyways...I took out my frustrations by writing and ended up with this chapter. It's ****_a lot _****fluffier than you guys are used to but I figured, who doesn't like Malec fluff? I think this is my favorite chapter so far and I hope y'all love it as much as I do. **

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Magnus hadn't been able to sleep all night. But could you really blame him for not wanting to close his eyes and miss even a second of gazing at the beautiful angel that was currently sharing his bed? He didn't know what had come over him before. What had made something in him snap and just let go, finally allowing himself to reveal the truth to his love. But he was glad that he did if this was the outcome.

Every second that he got to spend with this absolutely gorgeous Shadowhunter felt precious and like it needed to be cherished. Lying here, with his skin pressed against Alec's, he felt better than he had in weeks. He wasn't exactly sure what he had assumed Alec's reaction to his letter would have been. Anger maybe, because of all those wasted weeks when they were both miserable. Hesitation, because Magnus had hurt him badly. Rejection, because he just didn't want to put up with Magnus anymore.

But instead, he had come back almost as quickly as he had left and returned all of the passion and fire and love that had been building up in Magnus ever since _the event_. He was afraid to fall asleep in the fear that all of this was a dream and when he woke up, tears would be streaming down his face due to the fact that he and Alec still existing on opposite ends of New York. Or worse, he was already asleep and his subconscious was just waiting for the right moment to shatter his world into a thousand pieces.

The black haired teenager tried to shift in his sleep, stirring the Chairman who had settled himself on that flawless, pale stomach. The cat meowed very loudly before standing up and jumping onto the floor, going about his own business. Well, that was very short lived. Magnus observed, amused while looking after his retreating cat that had acted as if his world couldn't continue without this particular Shadowhunter in it.

Alec shifted again, this time with a small sleepy moan, so that he was pressed up even closer against Magnus, his head resting in the crook of the warlock's neck. Magnus smiled brightly at the boy's display. He had noticed the dark circles under the magnificent blue eyes and was glad the boy was getting some rest. He had also noticed that Alec had lost some weight but that was nothing that some takeout or a couple of dinners at Taki's couldn't help. Wait- he was seriously getting carried away here. He was already planning their future dates when he wasn't even sure if they were back together. Sure, they had made love, and Alec seemed appeased by what was written in his letter but all of that had happened after the extremely emotional day they had both experienced.

Magnus had been through so much in the centuries that he had walked the earth but he had never felt anything as strongly as he did when he was with this boy that was currently in his arms. No matter how much confidence he possessed or how many walls he put up, Alexander effortlessly broke everything down. No matter how much Magnus wanted to hide, it only took one look into those beautiful blue pools and he suddenly felt as if he was fully exposed and the younger man could see every aspect of his soul. And he wanted it. Sure, it was scary as hell but as long as he was able to hear those two words that held so much weight, 'all right', or the three words that seemed to roll off of his tongue so naturally, so fearlessly, almost carelessly as if it was no big deal, 'I love you', it felt like everything would be okay. And yes, it would always be an uphill battle-nothing involving Shadowhunters was ever 'easy'- but there was no one else that he would rather spend an eternity with.

He went to brush the midnight locks away from Alec's forehead but his fingers somehow managed to snag on one of the tangles and Magnus ended up jerking the poor boy's head to the side.

"Oww-" Alec moaned into his neck, instantly waking up.

"Oh, crap! I'm so sorry, darling, it was an accident." Magnus felt his ears fill with heat, this was definitely not how he had imagined his first morning with Alexander after they had been apart for so long. In his fantasies there had been a lot more kissing and a lot less pain.

He was worried about how the boy would react until he realized that Alec was actually laughing against his skin. Between breaths the younger man let out a "It's fine."

He let on a relieved breath and, much more hesitantly this time, tried to stroke the boys hair away from his face again. He succeeded for a second before it just fell back into place.

"You really need to cut your hair." Magnus remarked.

Alec straightened up, causing his raven locks to fall into his eyes, "I like my hair." He didn't sound offended, just stating facts.

Magnus smiled at him, "As do I, love, but it wouldn't kill you if it was a bit shorter." He slid his hand beneath the boy's bangs and lifted his black hair away from his forehead. He looked even more beautiful when he wasn't trying to hide. "We might even be able to see those beautiful blue eyes of yours, hmm?'

Alec's cheeks turned a light shade of pink and he turned his head away so that his hair fell back into his face, "I'll think about it." He murmured.

Magnus gave him another smile before he moved so that the boy was in his arms once again. He wasn't really ready to let go yet.

They were able to lie there for a moment but someone had to voice what they were both thinking so he figured, even though he didn't really want to, it would be him, "So how do we move forward with us?"

Alec moved so that he could look Magnus in the eye without breaking the contact of their skin.

The Shadowhunter just looked at him for a while, seeming to really be thinking about his answer before speaking, "I don't really know. I don't know how we can when the world is literally falling apart all around us. The only thing I do know is that I just want to forget about all of that for a while and just lay here with you. Is that completely irresponsible and selfish?"

Magnus could not stop the small smile that graced his lips as he leaned forward to kiss the boy on the forehead.

Yes, he hadn't gotten a real answer but the fact that Alec, always responsible, always listening to his brain before his heart, wanted to stay with him a bit longer instead of running off to check on his siblings (even though they were probably still safe in their beds) meant a lot.

"Even if it is, it's alright to take into account what you feel first before you worry about everyone else. And you are only eighteen, you're allowed to make mistakes." He said the last part to remind both of them. Alexander was so wise and mature for his age that sometimes Magnus forgot that he was still so young and inexperienced compared to himself.

"_Only eighteen?_" The Shadowhunter sounded almost incredulous. "I'm an adult in the eyes of the clave."

"And a child in the eyes of mundanes so just relax for once and you can go back to being the big, strong, and protective Shadowhunter that you usually are a little later."

Alec seemed to want to argue but thought better of it halfway through.

"Fine." The boy relented before falling back against the pillows.

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About an hour later, they were in the kitchen and Magnus was watching the way the muscles in Alec's shoulders and arms moved as he poured their cups of coffee. No matter how long he knew the Shadowhunter, he would never get over how absolutely perfect Alexander looked.

When Alec turned around and found Magnus' eyes trained on his bare skin, he ducked his head, hiding behind his hair again.

"Why are you staring at me?" Alec asked while sliding into the seat across from him.

Magnus shrugged and snapped his fingers, magicking up some milk and sugar for his coffee. He didn't even look up from the cup as he replied, "Because you're beautiful."

When he was satisfied that his coffee no longer tasted like coffee he looked up to find Alec blushing into his cup. He reached across the table to stroke one of the pink cheeks and slipped his thumb under the boy's chin, bringing it up to see his blue eyes.

"It's true." Magnus assured him with a smile.

Alec turned an even darker shade of pink and shook his head, "I will never get used to you saying that."

"Then I am prepared to say it everyday, for the rest of an eternity if I have to."

The Shadowhunter looked vaguely pleased under the puce color of his skin.

Before either of them were able to say anything there was a crackling sound. Lightning fast, before Magnus could even register his movements, Alec had reached out and snatched the fire message out of the air before it even stopped burning.

His dark brows furrowed in confusion before he read the message out loud: _"'Alec, where are you?'"_

He looked up at Magnus and asked, "Do you have some paper?"

He felt his own eyebrows furrow in confusion but he wordlessly snapped his fingers anyway, summoning a stack of paper and a pen.

Alec scribbled down a quick reply and handed the paper to him. "Can you send this to Jace for me?"

He took the paper between his fingers, quickly read the correspondence, '_Magnus' loft. Why? Do you need something?' _and sent it off with a simple fire spell.

In the time that they sat there waiting for Jace to respond, Magnus took the opportunity to voice his confusion. "Why didn't he just call you?"

Alec looked equal parts amused and irritated. "He broke it."

Both of them rolled their eyes at the antics of the Alec's parabatai.

There was the sound of crackling flames again and Alec once again grabbed it out of the air and read it out loud: _"'We need both of you to come to the Institute. Now.'"_

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**A/N: Yay the next chapter is going to be when they have to go to Idris. It will go down a bit differently than in the books but it's still the same at heart. **

**One last note before you guys wonder about me disappearing: I got a chance to fly down to Indiana for the next two weeks and study film making. Good news for me but not so good news for my fanfic. I will try to post while there but I make no guarantees. So I'll see you guys when I see you I guess. **

**As always follows, favorites, and reviews are welcome! :* **


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